I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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