I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
