Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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