this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
