i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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