That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
