Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
