he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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