everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
