i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
