Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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