I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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