how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
