you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
