I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
