Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh god it's open bar.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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