is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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