she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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