remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
