The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
