So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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