she peed on how many people?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
