Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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