saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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