What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
