He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
