put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
