the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
