I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
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I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
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They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I touched a dick in church today
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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