Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
