Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
