I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Are we still banned from the library?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
