i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
