yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
