If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
