Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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