somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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