I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
