I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
