after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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