I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
