The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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