Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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