Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
