hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
