Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
