Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
