I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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