I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This baby is an asshole
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
