Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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