I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
