One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
