i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
