I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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