well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
