Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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