she woke up with a sticky ear
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
