you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have already put on my inside pants.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
