I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
