i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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