You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
