Cold hands, warm shart.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
