It's Friday. Sex?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
