I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
