if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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