The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
