Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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