I was born with a shot glass in my hand
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i think i just lost a toe
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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