I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
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