youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
