she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
