How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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